Realization

So we are almost all moved into the apartment where we will live till Jereme leaves for basic, at which point I will try and stay here and keep working, or I may decide to pack up and move to Lebanon or something till we can go live with Jereme again.

I will go into the detail of how that will all work later... for now I have a short amount of time as I am trying to finish unpacking.

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  Each box I unpack reminds me that I am that much closer to living on my own for awhile, something I have never done.  Part of me wants to stop unpacking me because I know Jereme would never leave me without knowing that I will be ok and taken care of.  He doesn't want me to have to worry about thing when he goes, so if I don't unpack he won't leave right?  Perhaps, but that isn't what I want to do.  This is a dream of his and I support it.  Am I scared?  Of course!  But I will just have to trust that God will keep us all safe.

As I unpack I find stupid things make me cry, I unpacked envelopes that I bought when we first got married, almost 5 years ago.  The thing is still nearly full, we do most everything online, so we RARELY use envelopes.  But I realize now that soon that box will be empty, because the only way I will have to communicate with the love of my life is by writing letters.  I think it will be something good for our marriage, but it is so scary at the same time.  I find myself asking how I will sleep at night without his arms here to protect me?  How I will get through each day without a morning kiss and an I love you... Each day bring us closer to saying goodbye, and I try to pretend like I am strong, but that wall is crumbling fast as reality sets in more and more everyday.  Can you tell we haven't spent much time apart?  

I know I have family and friends that love me and they will help me get through, but no one can make me feel the way Jereme does.  I know that each day I will run to the mailbox hoping to get a letter saying he is ok and telling of his love for me, and I know I will be writing him about a million letters saying the same.  

9 weeks may not seem so long, but I know it will feel so much longer.  I am thankful that we have family camping trips planned for the summer while he is gone... I think the hardest day will be 9 days after he leaves.  That will be our 5 year anniversary, thankfully the following weekend is the family loon lake trip, so I will just bury myself in getting ready for that.  

Sorry, this blog may turn a bit sappy for awhile... I am excited for the changes we have coming in our life, but I am already missing my husband, and he isn't even gone yet.  I am just trying to remember to live each day being with him as much as I can.  Doing everything I can not to fight, because I don't want to waste a single second that we have left.  I think that is a good way to live at all times though, because we never really know when we may have to say goodbye.