The thing I find the most strange though, is how I can not wait for free time. No kids (except the baby) so I can get things done and go shopping with ease, then the time comes and I stand on the porch watching them drive away to grandma's house for 2 days crying as they cheerfully chatter and don't once look back.
But why am I crying? Is it because I will miss them so much I can't stand to be apart from them? I don't really think so. I think it is that I feel guilty, I couldn't wait to be without them for a couple days, but I really do love them so much. So if I love them why do I feel like I need to have some time without them... Is it because I started my family so young? Were all the poeple who frowned at me and told me I shouldn't be a mom yet right? Or would I feel the same way if I had waited 5-10 years and :lived" my life first? I think if I waited though I would have always been wishing I could be a mom, it is after all what I have always wanted.
So this time I console myself with the fact that I "sent the kids away" so that I could focus my energy on my sick baby who through up milk and fries all over herself (and my hand) as we walked in to Target, even if that isn't why they are gone.
Since I miss my kids I thought I would post a few little video's of them. Now everytime Lillie see's the camera she wants to "hi grandma"
Lillie really wanted to sing a song for grandma, till I got the camera out...
So I have been working on memory verses with Malaki, and he was doing this one perfect till I tried to video him doing it for Grandma and Grandpa. We have a kids easy verse book from our pastor and his wife that we are using....
I am not sure the reason for your feelings but know that even though we don't want to be away from our kids a lot of moms with little ones around (that I have met be that at church or other mom's groups, or have heard of) can't seem to get enough time without thier little ones. The funny thing is that I am also told quite often by others that have grown children that this time passes fast so to enjoy every moment. The two really don't mesh for me. I have no desire to be away from our children. I also have a hard time enjoying EVERY moment as there is A LOT of training right now. I love our kids and would have several more if the Lord made it so, but that is a completely different story. *smile* God is good and has provided you with parents who are more than willing to spend any and all extra time with your littles. He has also given you the ability to let them do so. Both sets of grandparents, for us, want time like that away from us but with the kids and it doesn't happen. Whatever the reason, they get their shakels up about it and makes it even harder to "want to leave the kids" with them. They say they understand that I love the kids and have NO desire to be away from them and then in the next breath they are asking when the kids can come spend the weekend with them with out us. REALLY?!?! Neither of them sent the kids overnight to granparents until at least the age of 5 (that only because they were getting home late that night and didn't want to wake the kids to take them home). But the only time I was away from my mom was when I was at school, she was working, or she had a night out with the gals, but I always woke up in my bed. The first time I remember going somewhere without her was when I was eleven to my the lady I call Grandma's (she not by blood *smile*) house. And even then it was with my sister. I went once by myself when I was about to enter my Jr. year in high school. So, really, they do understand so why do they "push" me to do what they didn't do? Because so many moms do it this way in todays society. I am trying to share with you a different side of things is all. My side is no better than what you are going through. *smile* I hope you understand...feel free to e-mail me if there is some confusion here. My heart really does ach for you in this time of understanding your feelings. *smile* Blessings.-me-(Mommy of two little blessings)
ReplyDeletePerhaps it is because you started so young, but probably not. God created you this way for a reason. The bummer part is we don't get to know that reason right now! :)
ReplyDeleteI love the videos! The one of Lillie singing is so dark I can't see her, but she sounds so sweet! Good for you starting Bible memory so young! That is awesome. So whether or not you enjoy time without them... you are definitely doing a fabulous job with them and they are turning out wonderful! Don't tear yourself apart sis!
Love you
It is totally and completely NORMAL to want time away from your kids! Don't worry about it, and don't feel guilty. Seriously. You're a better mom when you get some time away and come back refreshed. Kids are a lot of work and I am amazed at the Mommy of two little blessings who says she never wants to be away from them. She must be superwoman! I know I cherish times I get to be with just my husband, or just one kid, or even just all by myself.
ReplyDeleteI went to college, got married, and worked for several years before having kids, and that made no difference one way or another. I still need time away :)